Some old photos from my trip to NYC this past October. Recently edited them. I'm quite fond of them in black and white.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
New/Old Work
Some old photos from my trip to NYC this past October. Recently edited them. I'm quite fond of them in black and white.
Graceland--The Tallest Man On Earth (Paul Simon cover)
And speaking of covers, this is one of the more beautiful songs I've ever heard
Mumford and Sons covering Old Crow Medicine Show--Wagon Wheel
I absolutely love the original version of this song, and this cover is beautiful. If you don't like Mumford and Sons (or really folk music) there may be something wrong with you. I genuinely believe that. It's just beautiful music. It's sunshine and empty fields with tall grass, it's compassion and love and everything good in the world. It's heart and soul.
This song makes me incredibly homesick for North Carolina everytime I hear it. One of my best friends lives in Boone, while another best friend lives in Asheville. I got to visit my friend in Asheville this past September, and it was wonderful. It's just a beautiful mountain town. I'd like to go visit my friend in Boone soon, but I just have no money.
Ugh. I hate being poor.
Merge--
Sorry for this being so lengthy
What do I care about?
Last time I was asked this (damn you, Shane!), I said I cared about body language. More specifically, how people (myself included) hold themselves when they know they are being observed, and the differences in body language among people.
While I do still find this very interesting (and always will), I think my main interest has shifted from that to something else.
Right now, I am interested in words. In their arrangement, in the way they make the reader feel, in the way they look, how fonts convey tones, how they look on a page. I'm interested in sounds, fragments, diction, rhetoric.
This may sound weird, but I get told frequently that I should be an English major. I'm a HUGE book nerd, and I'm not too bad with writing when I really try. This probably has something to do with the fact that my father got a degree in English, and is currently an English professor at my hometowns main university (UNCC, 49ers!) (among other things, he also teaches a class on cult films, an anthropology class on the culture of America in the 1980s, and a womans studies course that analyzes the portrayal of women in noir film). Also, as a child, I was something of a literary prodigy; by the time I was 10, my reading comprehension was at the collegiate level. I learned to read before I was 5 years old, at the same time as my older sister. I'm fairly certain that if I weren't retarded at math, they would have made me skip a grade in elementary school. As I child, I spent my summers indoors reading (I had no friends and with my bizarre phobia of butterflies spending time outdoors in the suburbs didn't seem like much fun), so my father made me write book reports on the books I read to make sure I was understanding them, and he at one point made me read every Shakespeare play he owned (Cleopatra and Marc Antony are my faves).
So, with all this, I've spent my whole life obsessed with reading and devouring words and history and stories. And most people tell me that because I'm so good at it and spend the majority of my time on the internet looking up Faulkner analysis that maybe I should try my hand at being an English major. But, it's not really what I want to do. Photography speaks to me in way that simply reading cannot, even though I'm not as good at photography as I am at being an obnoxious asshole in discussions about books.
However, I am fascinated with words and the power of words. I've incorporated words in my artwork before; for my final portfolio in darkroom last semester, I did a project on the Ophelia complex and how that affects lifestyle and how young women portray grief, and wrote little vignettes to accompany each image. I may include an image and one of the vignettes.
Even now, in darkroom, I am working on narrative, in which each image is representative of a state of being that I may find myself in, and I am relying on having captions to help me express this narrative.
I see no problem with using heavy literary influences and words in my artwork, and want to pursue it more and really perfect the interplay between the verbal and the visual, diction and composition. However, I worry that I will begin using words as a cop-out; falling back on captions and written word because my visual images are falling short. I've realized that my images really make sense to me, but I cannot for the life of me make them make sense to anyone else. It's weird, trying so hard to express yourself visually and just being so misunderstood (ANGST).
Ugh, oh well. I just love writing, I want it to be part of my work. Maybe that can be my thing. My life dream as a photographer has been to make a book of images with corresponding essays.
Here is an image with a vignette (back story on this: In August, my older sisters boyfriend died tragically at the age of 20, he drowned in the Mississippi. He was a great person, and my sister loved him dearly, as did everyone that knew him. He was caring and funny and one of those people that you just implicitly knew you could trust. He was supportive of any decision you made, no matter what it was. I struggled for a really long time with not only the grief of having someone I know dying but also with seeing my sister so hurt and wanting so badly to make everything better for her but not knowing how. Also, I personally have always had trouble expressing grief, and still to this day have trouble coping with my own grief. I used this project to wrap my head around expressing grief and better come to terms with my own emotions about everything. The ima
ge is not of my sister, but the accompanying story is supposed to be from her viewpoint about the death of Eli).
What do I care about?
Last time I was asked this (damn you, Shane!), I said I cared about body language. More specifically, how people (myself included) hold themselves when they know they are being observed, and the differences in body language among people.
While I do still find this very interesting (and always will), I think my main interest has shifted from that to something else.
Right now, I am interested in words. In their arrangement, in the way they make the reader feel, in the way they look, how fonts convey tones, how they look on a page. I'm interested in sounds, fragments, diction, rhetoric.
This may sound weird, but I get told frequently that I should be an English major. I'm a HUGE book nerd, and I'm not too bad with writing when I really try. This probably has something to do with the fact that my father got a degree in English, and is currently an English professor at my hometowns main university (UNCC, 49ers!) (among other things, he also teaches a class on cult films, an anthropology class on the culture of America in the 1980s, and a womans studies course that analyzes the portrayal of women in noir film). Also, as a child, I was something of a literary prodigy; by the time I was 10, my reading comprehension was at the collegiate level. I learned to read before I was 5 years old, at the same time as my older sister. I'm fairly certain that if I weren't retarded at math, they would have made me skip a grade in elementary school. As I child, I spent my summers indoors reading (I had no friends and with my bizarre phobia of butterflies spending time outdoors in the suburbs didn't seem like much fun), so my father made me write book reports on the books I read to make sure I was understanding them, and he at one point made me read every Shakespeare play he owned (Cleopatra and Marc Antony are my faves).
So, with all this, I've spent my whole life obsessed with reading and devouring words and history and stories. And most people tell me that because I'm so good at it and spend the majority of my time on the internet looking up Faulkner analysis that maybe I should try my hand at being an English major. But, it's not really what I want to do. Photography speaks to me in way that simply reading cannot, even though I'm not as good at photography as I am at being an obnoxious asshole in discussions about books.
However, I am fascinated with words and the power of words. I've incorporated words in my artwork before; for my final portfolio in darkroom last semester, I did a project on the Ophelia complex and how that affects lifestyle and how young women portray grief, and wrote little vignettes to accompany each image. I may include an image and one of the vignettes.
Even now, in darkroom, I am working on narrative, in which each image is representative of a state of being that I may find myself in, and I am relying on having captions to help me express this narrative.
I see no problem with using heavy literary influences and words in my artwork, and want to pursue it more and really perfect the interplay between the verbal and the visual, diction and composition. However, I worry that I will begin using words as a cop-out; falling back on captions and written word because my visual images are falling short. I've realized that my images really make sense to me, but I cannot for the life of me make them make sense to anyone else. It's weird, trying so hard to express yourself visually and just being so misunderstood (ANGST).
Ugh, oh well. I just love writing, I want it to be part of my work. Maybe that can be my thing. My life dream as a photographer has been to make a book of images with corresponding essays.
Here is an image with a vignette (back story on this: In August, my older sisters boyfriend died tragically at the age of 20, he drowned in the Mississippi. He was a great person, and my sister loved him dearly, as did everyone that knew him. He was caring and funny and one of those people that you just implicitly knew you could trust. He was supportive of any decision you made, no matter what it was. I struggled for a really long time with not only the grief of having someone I know dying but also with seeing my sister so hurt and wanting so badly to make everything better for her but not knowing how. Also, I personally have always had trouble expressing grief, and still to this day have trouble coping with my own grief. I used this project to wrap my head around expressing grief and better come to terms with my own emotions about everything. The ima
ge is not of my sister, but the accompanying story is supposed to be from her viewpoint about the death of Eli).You were the key to my happiness.
You brought so much happiness into my life. You were enlightening. You were fun and dangerous. You were everything I could’ve asked for and then some.
You were forgiving when I needed it and stern when you needed it. You were everything you should’ve been.
You made me so eternally happy. We were equals. Nothing could’ve gone wrong with us. We were so in tune, so in sync. We were made for each other.
Our hands fit perfectly together, and our bodies intertwined just right. We were everything for each other and nothing all at once.
I’m not sad without you. I’m just not happy. It’s a sad place to be in when you realize no one else could be quite as perfect as that one person, though many people will come close. It’s just something I have to live with. I’m fine with it. I wouldn’t want anyone to be more perfect for me than you were.
You were taken from me far too soon. That sweeping river that flooded my heart with your loss. I can’t bear the thought of it.
When you lived in my bed, every morning when you woke up you would look me in the eyes and tell me ‘This is the first day of my life’.
I tell myself that every day when I wake up. It’s the one connection I still have with you.
Claiming your things might have been the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Seeing all your stuff, knowing it no longer had an owner. When I found my letters in your wallet I thought that surely my heart could take no more of this pain. That I couldn’t be continually reminded of how strong our love was, and how desperately soon it was cut short.
For the first two months afterward I would find little reminders of you all around me. One of your long brown hairs still on my sheets. Your scent still lingered in my car. That sock you swore you could never find was lodged deep under my bed.
I want to forget the pain without ever forgetting you. I pray every day that somehow, some way, you’ll make your way back to me. I know somehow it will happen. I can’t believe that the universe would give you to me and take you away just like that. There has to be a bit of you left for me on this earth. You were just as much a part of me as I was of you. That’s how you live on here. You live on forever as a part of me.
I’d rather be working for a paycheck than waiting to win the lottery.
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
What's My Age Again?
In times of physical discomfort, we always instinctively want to place the burden of care on someone else.
I am at that point right now. The painkillers generally keep the pain of the burns away (although right now, the next painkiller isn't kicking in soon enough...). However, I want someone to take care of me. I don't want to research Facebook or read artists blogs. I want to curl up in my Snuggie (oh yeah, I own one. jealous?) with a book of poems by Susan Minot and have someone make me Chai with a little too much sugar.
Why do we do this? Have this desire to be taken care of? Regardless of age, we still beg for others to care for us physically. Before I even put ice to my burns, I was on the phone with my mother, asking her what to do and how to treat burns. Which is ridiculous. I know how to treat burns. Neosporin, Aloe Vera, ice, gauze. However if it weren't for her, I would've never have gone to health services, so it was probably good that I called her.
Something to think about.
I am at that point right now. The painkillers generally keep the pain of the burns away (although right now, the next painkiller isn't kicking in soon enough...). However, I want someone to take care of me. I don't want to research Facebook or read artists blogs. I want to curl up in my Snuggie (oh yeah, I own one. jealous?) with a book of poems by Susan Minot and have someone make me Chai with a little too much sugar.
Why do we do this? Have this desire to be taken care of? Regardless of age, we still beg for others to care for us physically. Before I even put ice to my burns, I was on the phone with my mother, asking her what to do and how to treat burns. Which is ridiculous. I know how to treat burns. Neosporin, Aloe Vera, ice, gauze. However if it weren't for her, I would've never have gone to health services, so it was probably good that I called her.
Something to think about.
What I've Never Photographed--
Excuse me if I ramble/make no sense, for I am on painkillers, and they just started kicking in. (I gave myself 2nd degree burns today, long story).
But I was just procrastinating, stumbling around the internet, and kept finding random pictures of animals. And I thought about it, and realized I have never photographed animals before. I really want to now. I've tried almost every other form of photography (except for underwater). So, one of my next goals: photograph animals.
But I was just procrastinating, stumbling around the internet, and kept finding random pictures of animals. And I thought about it, and realized I have never photographed animals before. I really want to now. I've tried almost every other form of photography (except for underwater). So, one of my next goals: photograph animals.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Candy Chang--Before I Die
Candy Chang is a public installation artist, designer, urban planner, and co-founder of Civic Center who likes to make cities more comfortable for people.
This project in particular, 'Before I Die', is pretty cute. She took the side of an abandoned house in New Orleans and turned it into a giant chalk board that lets members of the community express what they would like to accomplish before they die.
Though this particular style of art is not something I would like to pursue visually (or maybe not so obviously), I do appreciate truly inspirational and motivational pieces such as these. I wish there were one in Richmond, I would love to participate and maybe help document. I imagine working with her on this project was an amazing experience. Just thinking about it makes me want to jump in on community improvement. If I had the right people, it would be so much fun. Maybe I'll start brainstorming in my free time (yeah, because I have so much of that...)
Friday, March 25, 2011
Street Art
Banksy and other cool folks
Street art is something I really wish I could do. I don't know why I think I can't do it. I have no practice with working with spray paint and making something look good, I'm afraid of getting caught, and plus, I feel like I have nothing that important to say.
I want to at some point do a little street art though. I just need to have confidence in myself.
Street art is something I really wish I could do. I don't know why I think I can't do it. I have no practice with working with spray paint and making something look good, I'm afraid of getting caught, and plus, I feel like I have nothing that important to say.
I want to at some point do a little street art though. I just need to have confidence in myself.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Kid For Today--Growing up with the Internet
For my UNIV200 class, we have to write a research paper. I chose the topic of social networking websites and how they influence common stereotypes and types of communication.
I chose this topic because I've always slightly resented the internet, and wanted to better understand the function of the internet as a source of communication to make a final decision on whether or not I dislike it as a whole. This research paper, while at times enlightening to analyze the research, hasn't really changed my mind. Even though I see all this research and see how great communicating via internet and how it really is promoting community and is functioning with physical-world interactions, I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of taking the internet seriously. I distrust the internet greatly, and it is often hard for me to see genuine intent behind emotional exchanges via internet.
I also think this stems from my social anxiety disorder. The internet is the ultimate Big Brother, except for anyone could be the Big Brother. Sometimes people will mention something from my personal blog, when I know I have never told them about it, or reference a conversation I've had on Facebook with another friend they may not even know, and it gives me a sense of discomfort. It makes me wonder: Why are you watching me? What are you looking for? In person, in general conversation, I can read body language and facial expressions and see intent. On the internet, intent is imagined and self-projected, and it scares me.
It is, in a sense, the ultimate narcissism.
Something to ponder later on down the road. All my biggest intellectual interests are deeply psychological, and I've been having trouble getting that into a visual portrayal instead of just verbal. Hmm.
I chose this topic because I've always slightly resented the internet, and wanted to better understand the function of the internet as a source of communication to make a final decision on whether or not I dislike it as a whole. This research paper, while at times enlightening to analyze the research, hasn't really changed my mind. Even though I see all this research and see how great communicating via internet and how it really is promoting community and is functioning with physical-world interactions, I still can't wrap my mind around the concept of taking the internet seriously. I distrust the internet greatly, and it is often hard for me to see genuine intent behind emotional exchanges via internet.
I also think this stems from my social anxiety disorder. The internet is the ultimate Big Brother, except for anyone could be the Big Brother. Sometimes people will mention something from my personal blog, when I know I have never told them about it, or reference a conversation I've had on Facebook with another friend they may not even know, and it gives me a sense of discomfort. It makes me wonder: Why are you watching me? What are you looking for? In person, in general conversation, I can read body language and facial expressions and see intent. On the internet, intent is imagined and self-projected, and it scares me.
It is, in a sense, the ultimate narcissism.
Something to ponder later on down the road. All my biggest intellectual interests are deeply psychological, and I've been having trouble getting that into a visual portrayal instead of just verbal. Hmm.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Inspired--Man On Wire
Check this out right now
Watched? Okay good.
"Life should be lived on the edge of life. You have to exercise rebellion: to refuse to tape yourself to rules, to refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge - and then you are going to live your life on a tightrope."
This guy is such an inspiration. I mean, he really pursued what he wanted to do, you know? Regardless of what was going on, he refused to take no as an answer, and spent a great deal of time pursuing this dream. It wasn't legal, it sure as hell wasn't safe, it was most likely bat shit crazy, but he did it anyway, because something in his soul pushed him forward after all that time.
I love his philosophy on the whole thing. That we must not become complacent and simple, but rebellion is an act that can be exercised. I push myself every day to live this way; I think it will help me loosen up and help me find a path easier. I find it is often easy for me to get stuck in ideas and themes and aesthetic styles. I want to constantly explore and push myself to try new things everyday.
Good God, that was quite an invigorating movie-watching experience.
Watched? Okay good.
"Life should be lived on the edge of life. You have to exercise rebellion: to refuse to tape yourself to rules, to refuse your own success, to refuse to repeat yourself, to see every day, every year, every idea as a true challenge - and then you are going to live your life on a tightrope."
This guy is such an inspiration. I mean, he really pursued what he wanted to do, you know? Regardless of what was going on, he refused to take no as an answer, and spent a great deal of time pursuing this dream. It wasn't legal, it sure as hell wasn't safe, it was most likely bat shit crazy, but he did it anyway, because something in his soul pushed him forward after all that time.
I love his philosophy on the whole thing. That we must not become complacent and simple, but rebellion is an act that can be exercised. I push myself every day to live this way; I think it will help me loosen up and help me find a path easier. I find it is often easy for me to get stuck in ideas and themes and aesthetic styles. I want to constantly explore and push myself to try new things everyday.
Good God, that was quite an invigorating movie-watching experience.
Let's Get To Know Each Other
I oftentimes go by Kelso. I'm trying to understand myself and my chain of thought, and better organize my sources of inspiration to find a clear direction to take in my artwork.
I prefer Southern Gothic literature, but have recently begun reading poetry.
I'm a movie fanatic.
My taste in music is centered around rap and folk, primarily because both have created a strong mythological fringe culture through a heavy lyrical style that focuses first and foremost on story telling.
My main interests for the moment:
--Cinematography and symbolism in music videos
--History of rap/hip-hop culture
--Ophelia Complex
--Poetry
--Truth in stereotypes/how common stereotypes influence artistic interpretation
--Southern culture/tradition
--the Mississippi River (symbolism in art, historical importance, folklore)
This is my personal blog: MY TEEN ANGST. It's not very interesting, but you know, just thought I'd throw that out there.
I prefer Southern Gothic literature, but have recently begun reading poetry.
I'm a movie fanatic.
My taste in music is centered around rap and folk, primarily because both have created a strong mythological fringe culture through a heavy lyrical style that focuses first and foremost on story telling.
My main interests for the moment:
--Cinematography and symbolism in music videos
--History of rap/hip-hop culture
--Ophelia Complex
--Poetry
--Truth in stereotypes/how common stereotypes influence artistic interpretation
--Southern culture/tradition
--the Mississippi River (symbolism in art, historical importance, folklore)
This is my personal blog: MY TEEN ANGST. It's not very interesting, but you know, just thought I'd throw that out there.
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